Deep Thoughts by Sara Thomason(or some random person she plagiarized them from)

"Don't let someone become a priority in your life,

when you are just an option in their life."

***

"Never explain yourself to anyone. Because the person that likes you doesn't need it,

and the person who dislikes you wont believe it."

***

"When you keep saying you are busy, then you're never free.

When you keep saying you have no time, then you will never have time.

When you keep saying you will do it tomorrow,

then your tomorrow will never come."

***

"When we wake up in the morning, we have two choices.

Go back to sleep and dream,

or wake up and chase those dreams.

The choice is yours."

***

"Time is like a river.

You can not touch the same water twice,

Because the flow that has passed will never pass again.

Enjoy every moment."

Over due update

Hello, I'm a PC. and I would rather be a MAC. anyways... so this blog update is beyond over due and I am probably going to ramble for a bit... primary because I've been up for 14 hours, and I'm distracted by adult swim (cartoon networks evening programing that I OH so love). Anywho, the major update for whats going is that I'm being furloughed (laid off in pilot terms). So Airnet decided that they wanted to restructe the company and so by doing so, they need to eliminate some pilot positions. They aim to work for a differnt kind of cargo market and this is part of whats nessary to be competive there. SOOOOO for me what that means, is that becasue my seniority number is so low (the aviation industry is based around seniority. high numbers mean a good thing) im getting furloughed until call back. This may occur soon actually, becasue their are a lot of people in the company leaving and the comany is finding new work. Where does that put me? Not sure. Theres speculation that things in the long run won't improve so its going to be interesting to see what happens with my job and the company. Either way I need to start looking for a job and I have some leads..........





Oh yeh, so I was out with a friend in lower central park and we saw Celine Dion. So there were a lot of people standing in front of this hotel and we were like, whats going on... so some pedestrians told us that Celine Dion was rollin through. Well we waited on the other side of her courtesy car and saw all the paparizzzi go crazy when she came out. Then she sat in the car, close to where I was at and rolled down the window. I was like 2 feet from the woman. Pretty cool experiance. And I talked to Bill Cosbys bro the other day. That was pretty neat. So I've met more celebrities in the past year then I have my whole life.


Onto more intresting stuff I suppose, hmmm wow. I've travled aroud qutie a bit sense I've been based in Jersey. It's a nice benefit to have free flight privliges. Mostly I go to utah or california to see friends and family. I love it. I get my fix of In-n-out, Happy Sumo, Cafe Rio and my mom. Save the best for last. hahah. Lets see what else... I was up in Buffalo NY for a few days covering a run (hmmm a predetermined route thats usualy assinged to someone). WELLLLL being that I was sooo close to Niagra falls, so I took a quick trip to check out what the hub-bub was all about. It was REALLY cool. Like amazing! Most defently a cool natural wonder. Lots of water flowing about. Hmm I also went over to Canada. That was interesting becasue its differnt there (obviously). Its very clean, and the signs are differnt. I bought some food with american currency and was confused for a bit when they gave me money back in candian... I was really confused. hahah Any who....

Oh, so I went to some pretty cool airports. The comany needed me to ferry some planes to dallas texas from columbus ohio. On the way down I stopped in Kentucky to drop a pilot off and then in tennesee. That was a lot of fun, becasue I haven't done much flying in the midwest like that. Although one of the airports i went into had a really smelly FBO. It reminded me of the days that I was on the mission. Hmmm some people live in conditions that are really not clean and it makes me sad. Moving on from that, when I was in utah for one of the weekends, I went to the airport I trained at and I ran into two of my old buddies, one of which was my instructor. It was AWESOME to see them.

okay lets fast forward a few weeks to where I basically quit my last job, and applied to another freight company that operates out of california and I'm about to go into training. thats the skinny of it. I could tottaly make it more interesting and long, but I'm just trying to get this blog out for all the two people that will read it. Anyways, so in the past few weeks Ive drivin across the United States from jersey to california. took me four days, with many many stops and long hours. But I got it done and I really hope I don't ever have to do that. again. Period. Okay, so I'll toss up some pics for ya.

From top to bottom, Lincons head in wyoming, a random bridge in wyoming, the amber waves of grain in iowa, welcome to iowa, welcome to california!!! :-) a cool bridge in pennsilviana, welcome to wyoming, the beatiful colors changing in PA, chicago, hot chick secret admirer, and welcome to PA. The End.

Assuming this will make sense

Why do people feel the need to assume things? Is making assumptions not the same as passing judgment? You assume you know what someones dealing with because perhaps you've been through what you think is something similar. But you dont. You think you know if someone has or has not done something, but until you ask you dont. You asume someone knows they are putting you out but because you dont speak up, they dont. Then based off of those assumptions they are made out to be a horrible person. A bad mom. A bad person. Dont judge. Dont assume.

Sometimes I feel...okay, pretty much all the time, I feel like my life is a total and utter mess. Everytime I begin to see the glimer of hope, the light at the end of the tunnal I am knocked back down again, set back with a whole new set of issues.

I basically feel like a total wreck right now. I have gone off the deep-end. I have learned this week that someone who I thought loved me and wanted to help me was really just holding things against me. Telling me, no I want to help, anytime, that's what family is for. Then I find out that is not really how they felt. How would I possibley know that when everything they say is otherwise. Now I am the bad guy. I guess I assumed I knew how they felt when they tolf me. I guess I assumed they were telling me the truth. But they werent. It was all a lie.

Good-bye Summer, Hell-O Fall!

My little Ry-man (I've decided he is getting too old for "baby"...so so sad, plus Ry-man sounds oh so tough. Think "Heman". HELLO!) and I had a weekend that was all kinds of fabulous!

I had a hot date Friday night with the cutest guy around (Ryder). We hit up his favorite restaurant for dinner (McDonalds) then headed over to the mall where I helped him get up on all the latest Fall fashion (love Children's Place!). We stocked him up on sweaters and long sleeved shirts (all 1/2 off or more, love the sales they have there) now that the nights at our house are dropping down in the low 40's. He even gave me a good night kiss followed by an "I love you" once our date was over! Aside from the whole "I-still-wear-diapers" thing he's the perfect man!

Saturday we headed over to Stockton for some much needed wake boarding fun with the Birds! Matt and Melissa's boat has been out of commission for the better part of the summer which was a bit of a bummer so we decided to take full advantage of the great 80 degree weather on Saturday now that the boat is up and running again. It was Ryders first time out on a boat and he L-O-V-E'd it! He thought watching his mommy wake board was the coolest.

After wake boarding I had a couple friends over for dinner and what we call "guys night". Guys night is basically when all us girls get together drink Weinhards Root beer, play Texas Hold'em, eat entirely too much junk food with out concern for calories and talk about "guy" stuff. It's good times.

Then of course Sunday we went to church. Ryder really loves church. This week he was especially excited because we went to Tan-Tan's ward to watch Marc speak and Stacy sing. Both did a fabulous job, but that was to be expected! After church Ryder and I went home and looked through some old Sunbeam stuff that I have and you can imagine how proud I was when Ryder pointed to Jesus and called Him by name. It literally brought tears to my eyes. If I can only teach Ryder one thing and have him truly know and understand it, it would be to have a knowledge of the Gospel and the true unconditional love that his Father in Heaven and Savor have for him. Sometimes as a parent we don't see the rewards for all the little things we try to teach them everyday but once in a while they do something like this and it brings unbelievable amounts of joy. Likewise, last week Ryder and I stayed at Marc and Stacys for the night and I heard Ryder say "car please" in his sleep. I was so proud that Ryder is so polite he even says "please" in his sleep. I laughed and thought to myself, wow, I must be doing something right!

Now that Fall is upon us (today is the first day!) I really feel like I am ready for the seasons to change. I am excited for cool weather, red and orange trees, apple hill caramel apples, apple pies, apple fritters, pretty much apple anything, and Halloween! This Halloween will be tough since I will be with out my main-squeeze (Ry-baby, I mean Ry-man). One of the many oh-so-fun "joys" of divorce-hood, I guess. I'm sad to be missing his first time trick-or-treating and all that but I am going to try to make it more of a positive experience and rather than focusing on me missing my Ryder think about how I am young and single and will have mucho Halloween parties to hit up. But now the big question, whatever shall I be for Halloween?? Any thoughts?

The summer has passed fast! I guess it's true, time flies when you're havin' fun! Who's up for an Apple Hill trip with the kiddos?

R.I.P. Nikon

Sad, sad day. My Nikon camera died today. We shared eleven great months together. Such a short life, she was taken too soon. She died of complications from injuries suffered when Denise dropped her in the rocks on the beach several months ago, poor Nikon never fully recovered. Nikon suffered excessive internal injuries. Finally last week, I knew the end was near when the shutter speed slowed to about 10 seconds and the flash was not so flashy anymore. She will be missed. She leaves behind a beautiful memory card and many AA batteries.

Moving on... I need a new camera! Pronto! I have a beautiful little boy to take millions of pictures of! Any recommendations?? I'm leaning away from Nikon, however. I don't know, I kinda feel like my camera should be durable enough to drop in the rocks once in a while, ya know?

Oh, and P.S.~ After 4 months together my iPod died last week... these things always happen in threes. What's next? My cellphone? Now, that might push me over the edge!

I'm Proud To Be An American

“Time is passing. Yet, for the United States of America,
there will be no forgetting September the 11th.

We will remember every rescuer who died in honor. We will remember every family that lives in grief. We will remember the fire and ash, the last phone calls, the funerals of the children. “

- President George W. Bush, November 11, 2001

This morning on my way driving over to Stacys house for our morning run I turned on the radio and was immediately reminded of the date. Today is September 11th. It was seven years ago today that our country was so grossly attacked.

Although it's been seven years I remember September 11th 2001 like it was yesterday. I woke up, having left my TV on the night before, to see first thing the images of the twin towers up in smoke. Right away I remember the feeling of fear and uncertainty that went through my head. Trying to understand what was going on I called my dad. He had been up since the wee hours of the morning and saw the whole thing unfold. He saw the second plane hit. When my dad told me he believed our country had been attacked I was so scared. As I watched the buildings collapse I remember crying and morning for those lost.

I didn't know a single person that died on September 11th. But that didn't matter. These people were my brothers and sisters, my fellow Americans. They were husbands and wives and children.

This morning as I listened to the radio's tribute to the heroes of 9/11 the same feeling came back that I felt that horrible day. I had chills as they played the recording of a news anchor reporting as the second tower was hit and then as the towers fell. And, again, I began to cry for the many people lost. So much so that once I got to Stacys house I tried to tell her about my feelings and got choked up again.

In the days following 9/11 I remember the pride of country had by all. There was not a car on the street that didnt have an American flag on it. There were groups of people gathered on every street corner with flags, singing God Bless America and chanting USA! Our country was united through this great tragedy.

As we go through this election time I cant help but miss that feeling of unity our country had. No matter what political party we agree with, Republican, Democrat or Independent, we have to remember that we are all on the same team, wanting the same thing. America stands for freedom and liberty and thats really what matters.

I am so proud and grateful to be blessed to live in this great country with so many freedoms. I am so grateful for the very brave men and woman fighting for the freedoms that we often take for granted. I am grateful for the many brave men and woman here in our own city's and towns through out the country working to protect us, firefighters, police officers and military personnel. May we never forget 9/11. God bless the USA!

kNOw spin zone

I have the end-all-be-all solution to all of lifes stresses... 24 hour fitness spin class. I'm a total junky. A "spin-aholic" if you will. Completely and totally hooked. I have been feeling pretty dang stressed out lately with work and single mom-hood and well, you know, crazy life stuff that I'm sure we all have to deal with.

I was feeling especially exhausted today. I tossed and turned all night last night, hardly slept. Then I got up early this morning to run with Stacy before work. And then since today is Tuesday I had to drive all the way to dang Auburn which, by the way, is like an hour and a half from my house. So, yeah, all in all, I was totally out of it. But I am really working hard to lose this last 10 or 15 pounds that has been so seemingly impossible to come off, I am willing to do anything and everything to lose it. Thus, I forced myself over to the gym for spin.

I walked in to the gym feeling tired, hunched over, moving slow and trying to reason with myself that I would feel better after it was over.

I opened the door to class, lights are off, the air conditioner pumping, and the hip hop music in full force. The teacher in all her perfection (little, blond, perfect, hot, skinny, mother of two (she checked her kids into the kids club same time as me.) was already perched up on her bike as I mosied across the room. So it began. The crazy intense hour. The Spin Class hour is both the worst and most amazing, the most painful and most satisfying, the longest and shortest hour of my day. The thing I love most about spin is I really get that "runners" high, or in this case the "spinners" high. I am totally in my zone. My mind clears and all of lifes stresses are gone. It's just me pushing myself to my limit. No other people there adding their opinion, or "spin" on my life. Just me. That's what I love. No 2 year old to chase. No other person to please. Just me.

After the hour is over I get off my bike feeling a new sense of worth. I am standing a little taller, feeling more alive. The blood is flowing. I am energised. The bounce is back in my step. I feel ready to again take on the world.

If you are feeling stress, feeling tired or sluggish, or even depressed or sad I recommend that you get to kNOw the spin zone!

You can thank me later!

Good Hygiene

Yesterday when I was getting Ryder ready for bed I said, "Ryder, lets change you out of those dirty clothes and put you in some clean Jammies."

Ryder said "okay mommy"

I went upstairs, got Ryders jammies, then came back down stairs. Ryder was nowhere to be found. After a few seconds I realized the bathroom door was open a crack and I could hear the shower on....

This is what I found....

Ryder was spinning around in circles in the water singing some kind of Ryder-original song when I said "Ryder, what are you doing?!?!"

Ryder responded, "Ry-Ry clothes clean mommy!!"

Well, yes I guess they are.

Kachow

I've watched the Disney Movie Cars 11.5 times this week. I can recite the whole movie word for word.

Save me.

Just Do It

I have been procrastinating a lot lately. Okay, "lately" is an understatement...there is nothing "lately" about my procrastination. One of my biggest flaws is, without question, procrastination. I'll admit it. I have been really looking at this time in my life, being single again, as a way to do a lot of learning and growing and trying to better myself. One thing I am looking to change is my perpetual procrastination (thank you Stacy for the great post on procrastination. It was the kick in the butt that I needed! To read the post go check out http://findingstrengthwithin.blogspot.com/ .) Another big flaw of mine, since I am just putting it all out there for some reason, is a am such a pack-rat. I hate it. All this stuff I have. Stuff that I don't need...or really even want. So why do I have it laying around cluttering my life?

There are clothes in Ryders dresser from when he was 6 months old. Just sitting there, untouched gathering dust and consuming much needed precious space. Why is it there? Why is it not packed away for the day that I am blessed enough to have another little boy? The answer to that question, and many others like it, is procrastination and my lack of organizational skills.

Sad. But true.

Yesterday I made a new commitment to myself to change these two things that are constantly gnawing away at me. When my house is well organized I am so much happier. Correction, when my life is organized I am so much happier. Because it's not just my house. Last night as part of my new found Anti-procrastination Act, I scrubbed the inside of my refrigerator within an inch of it's life. Something I have been meaning to do for weeks now. But the answer was always tomorrow, tomorrow, I'm too tired, I'm too busy, tomorrow, tomorrow. I felt so much better after it was done. As if that small thing that I did, that took 30 min's of time, somehow gave me a new found sense of self worth and accomplishment.

Today I logged into my computer, which has been running unbelievably slow lately, by the way, and I had some sort of awakening that my desktop was a mess. I had the entire thing covered in icons. Why the heck do all those icons need to be on my desktop? And what were all those icons to? I began clicking through many of them to find they were mostly pictures, which of course, I'm not going to get rid of, but pictures do and should have a home in that little place known as the "Picture" file. So it began, one by one I moved all the pictures into their rightful place, the picture file, organized by date and event. The rest the lingering icons were mostly a bunch of old useless out dated work crap. Enrollment sheets from 2006...dont think I need those anymore. The 24 Hour Fitness gym class schedule from June 2007, I'm guessing the class times have changed by now.... Some files wouldn't even open at all. I had an old Jamba Juice coupon I downloaded that expired last December. So, Delete, Delete, Delete.... I got rid of all that old useless stuff boggling down my computer...and my life!

Tonight I will be tackling both my and Ryders closets. This morning I noticed some old maternity clothes hanging in my closet...what the... serious? Kay, it's been over 2 years since I was pregnant and I don't think I am going to be preggers anytime soon...time to pack that crap away! In the words of some Nike marketing genius, JUST DO IT!

Like Stacy pointed out in her blog, I cant expect myself to get it all done at once. But one day at a time, if I'm working on it, over time it will all be done. And I will be able to feel that sweet sense of accomplishment knowing that my life is totally and finally streamlined. Hallelujah!

Life aint always beautiful, but it's a beautiful ride!

Life ain't always beautiful

Sometimes it's just plain hard

Life can knock you down, it can break your heart

Life ain't always beautiful

You think you're on your way

And it's just a dead end road at the end of the day

But the struggle makes you stronger

And the changes make you wise

And happiness has it's own way of takin' it sweet time

No,life aint always beautiful

Tears will fall sometimes

Life aint always beautiful

But it's a beautiful ride

Life aint always beautiful

Some days I miss your smile

I get tired of walkin' all these lonely miles

And I wish for just one minuteI could see your pretty face

Guess I can dream, but life dont work that way

But the struggles makes me stronger

And the changes make me wise

And happiness has it's own way of takin' its sweet time

No, life aint always beautiful

But I know I'll be fine

Hey, life aint always beautiful

But its a beautiful ride

What a beautiful ride

Bringin' out my inner country girl...

Let me start by saying...I had an AWESOME weekend! Do you all (all as in all 3 of you) remember the infamous "Speed Dating activity" I posted about a couple months ago? Well, one thing I failed to mention in that post is I actually did meet a really nice guy at that activity. No, not one of the 18 year olds, in case you were wondering. His name is Ryan. I don't usually post about the guys I date, but I had such a fun weekend, and Ryan is such a nice guy, I've deemed him blog worthy.

Ryan and I have been dating for about a month and having a great time. Unfortunatly, he left to head back to Provo today to finish up his last year of School at BYU. Since he was leaving, and this was our last weekend together...at least for a while, we thought we should make the most of it. And we totally did.

Friday, after work, Ryan and I went on an over night fishing trip with his friend Leo and Leo's family. It was so much fun! We chased strippers (fish) all around New Hogan Lake on Leo's boat. Once the sun went down we set up camp on a little island in the middle of the lake. All around the lake we had fishing poles set up over night waiting for the cat fish to bite.

I caught two fish! A stripper that got away :( and a catfish!

Ryan and me on the little island

New Hogan Lake is so beautiful!
My BIG catch. I reeled this fish in then wouldn't touch him. Go ahead, call me prissy...

The next morning I woke up to the sun on my face and Ryan singing. He is such a morning person apparently. We gathered all our stuff then headed back to Leo's house. I came home, got cleaned up, then headed back out with Ryan and his family up highway 88 towards Tahoe. We did some hiking, fishing, drove quads around, had a BBQ, and all around had a ton of fun!

Crater Lake

I'm going to miss Ryan now that he's gone. But I am so glad we got to have this super fun weekend right before he left!!! Thanks Ry!